Unplugged: The Secret Life of American Appliances (A Short Story/Mockumentary)

I wrote this mockumentary script to submit to a bizarro anthology. The editor liked the story, but said it wasn't a good fit for the anthology. So, I'm sharing it with you!

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Unplugged: The Secret Life of American Appliances

FADE IN:

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE — DAY

We are in the appliance section of a busy department store. The camera pans over a sea of shiny appliances, big and small: dishwashers, ovens, washers, dryers, microwaves, blenders, and more. Shoppers walk among the aisles, pointing at different appliances and discussing them. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

While today we think of electric appliances as ubiquitous, it was in 1905 that the first electrical household appliance, the toaster, made an appearance in the US, showing up in the kitchen of Hiram Theodore Williams III one mid-July morning. Hiram employed several cooks, and it was they who first discovered the toaster, though they were not at all certain what to do with it.

CUT TO:

INT. THE KITCHEN OF HIRAM THEODORE WILLIAMS III - MORNING 

We're in a large, extravagant, old-timey kitchen, where we see three cooks looking at a pyramid-shaped contraption on a counter by the gas stove. It is an early-days TOASTER, made of tin and wire, with a slot underneath for bread slices. The cooks look puzzled and try putting various food in the slot: apple slices, crackers, until finally one tries a slice of bread.

TOASTER

Mmm—tastes good!

The toaster sprouts four tiny legs and does a wriggly dance until the bread is toasted, then retracts its legs to sit comfortably on the counter once more. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

With some help from the toaster, the cooks were able to figure out its intended purpose. That day marked the first time bread was toasted without burning anyone. 

TOASTER

I like to help!

CUT TO:

EXT. CITY STREET - DAWN

We're on a city street of homes. Each building has a toaster toddling up to the front door and letting themselves inside. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Soon, toasters were inside every household. Once the toasters had settled in, the electric stoves weren't far behind. 

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

We are back in Hiram's kitchen, where an ELECTRIC STOVE slides its way over to the kitchen's gas stove, opens its door, and eats the gas stove. The process is loud—a screech of metal on metal—and messy, with bits of metal and screws flying about the kitchen. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

It wasn't long before gas stoves and ovens had totally disappeared, consumed by their electric counterparts. 

Once it has finished eating, the electric stove slides into the gas stove's former spot. The three cooks watch in shock. 

ELECTRIC STOVE

(Burps)

Delicious!

CUT TO:

INT. 1940S KITCHEN - DAY

We find ourselves in a new kitchen, this time in a ranch-style home in the 1940s. The kitchen is filled with electric appliances, all made of a bright red enamel: a stove/oven, a blender, an egg beater, a refrigerator/freezer, a kettle, and a coffee maker. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

By the 1940s, every home was stuffed with myriad appliances. 

CUT TO:

INT. NURSING HOME - DAY

We are in the common area of a nursing home. Residents in the background play checkers, work on puzzles, and make crafts. MRS. NOWAK, 90, sits in the foreground and interviews.

MRS. NOWAK

(slowly)

Well, growing up in the post-war era, we had lots of appliances. Some of 'em were my best friends when I was a little girl. The electric kettle and I loved to have tea parties together. 

CUTAWAY TO:

INT. KITCHEN - DAY 

We are back in the 1940s kitchen. A child (meant to be a young Mrs. Nowak) sits and pours tea from the kettle into a dainty teacup. The tea kettle whistles in pleasure and settles itself across from her. 

MRS. NOWAK (V.O.)

My favorite part of the day has always been settling down with my kettle and a cup of tea.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

But every late spring, Mrs. Nowak had to find other ways to entertain herself. 

JUMP CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Same kitchen, but empty of appliances. There are gaps in the cabinetry where the dishwasher and oven would sit. The young Mrs. Nowak sits by herself at the kitchen table, looking forlorn, holding an empty teacup.  

MRS. NOWAK (V.O.)

Everyone's appliances unplugged themselves and left in the spring. Nobody knew where they went, but it was understood they would return in about a month looking newer, better than before. 

CUT TO:

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

In contemporary times, we have a bird's eye view on long lines of appliances, shuffling out of their homes and out of the city, all headed in the same direction. The city lights reflect off their shiny surfaces.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Electric household appliances have been migrating in the late spring since their first appearance in 1905.

MATCH CUT TO:

EXT. WHEATFIELD - DAY

The same bird's eye view of orderly lines of appliances, now making their way across a young wheatfield. The wheat plants are still green, and only a few feet high. A few smaller appliances lag behind the group. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Now, for the first time, we have footage of where appliances migrate to, and what they do upon arrival, as we follow along the journey of Whirly, a single-serve blender. 

 JUMP CUT:

EXT. WHEATFIELD - MOMENTS LATER 

We zoom in on WHIRLY, a small blender lagging far behind the rest of the group. Whirly struggles to navigate even the short sprouts of wheat. 

CUT TO: 

EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY 

We see a wide shot of orderly lines of appliances traveling east across a mountainous terrain. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

From crossing the Rocky Mountains…

CUT TO:

EXT. BEACH - DAY 

A beach is filled with appliances, steadily making their way northwest. 

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)

…to traipsing across sandy beaches, the appliances in America spend up to two weeks heading to one surprising place. For appliances like Whirly, the journey is especially perilous.

CUT TO: 

EXT. WHEATFIELD - NIGHT

Same field as before, with Whirly still lagging. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

In the wheatfields of Montana, the young blender faces a cold night alone…or almost alone. 

JUMP CUT:

EXT. WHEATFIELD - MOMENTS LATER

A different camera angle of the wheatfield shows a snake approaching Whirly from behind. 

We zoom in on the snake, which is dark gray, with a pattern reminiscent of a vacuum hose. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Whirly, as a blender, has numerous predators. But none is so deadly as the vacuum viper. And Montana hosts more vacuum vipers than anywhere else on Earth. 

JUMP CUT:

EXT. WHEATFIELD - MOMENTS LATER

Whirly steadily makes his way across the field, oblivious to the danger lurking behind him. 

JUMP CUT:

Close-up of the snake, as its tongue flicks menacingly. 

JUMP CUT:

A front view of Whirly, with the viper in the background. The snake hisses—Whirly freezes momentarily, then speeds up. 

JUMP CUT:

The snake opens its mouth wide, baring its fangs and preparing to strike. 

JUMP CUT:

In slow motion, the snake dives after the blender. 

JUMP CUT:

Whirly, sensing the danger, manages to jump aside just in time. The vacuum viper strikes the ground.

Whirly scampers away. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The viper has decided this blender isn't worth its time. 

We see the snake slither back to its home. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Whirly has survived this encounter, but it still has a lot to learn about the dangers of its trip.  

CUT TO: 

EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

Various appliances make their way across the ground, crossing small streams and tumbling down hillsides. 

JUMP CUT:

EXT. FOREST - MOMENTS LATER

Whirly, climbing over a fallen tree trunk, hits a rotten patch of wood and falls inside the tree. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Whirly has to learn to navigate the tough terrain on its own. 

Another appliance, an egg beater, sees Whirly fall but continues on its way. 

JUMP CUT:

We see Whirly scrambling to get out of the tree, making tiny hops until it's able to secure a foothold and climb out. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

But if Whirly successfully navigates these obstacles, it will end up in…

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - DAY 

We're in the wetlands of Kansas. Tall golden and green grasses, swaying gently in the breeze, dominated the lush, grassy land. A pack of herons is scattered near the water's edge. A dense tree line stretches across the horizon. The sky is blue, the clouds fluffy. It is picture-perfect.

NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)

…Anchorwood, Kansas. The middle of America. 

The camera pans over, and we see a massive collection of electric appliances: air fryers, toaster ovens, stoves, ranges, wine coolers, refrigerators—every electrical household appliance has converged at this one spot. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Appliance expert Dr. Mark Thornton believes this massive patch of wetlands is the birthplace of all electrical appliances. 

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - DAY

An expansive shot of the marsh and all its occupants. Herons feed in the water. Geese fly overhead. Appliances chatter together in the grass. The noise is immense. 

DR. MARK THORNTON (V.O.)

Some of these appliances have traveled fifteen hundred miles to reach this spot. It must be of importance. 

CUT-IN TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - DAY 

A closeup of a group of washers and dryers, huddling together. 

DR. MARK THORNTON (V.O.)  

It stands to reason that the first appliances may have emerged from this very marshland one hundred and twenty years ago.

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - NIGHT

Pan shot over the wetlands, which is bursting full of appliances of various shapes and sizes. No animals can be seen. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Over the next few days, appliances continue to stream in, filling the wetlands until there is no more room for the herons and geese. 

JUMP CUT:

EXT. WETLANDS - MOMENTS LATER

We see a close-up of Whirly, who has made it to the wetlands!

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Whirly is one of the last appliances to arrive. He settles in with a large group of blenders.

Whirly approaches a crowd of fellow blenders and whirs a "hello." The other blenders welcome their brethren.

CUT TO: 

EXT. WETLANDS - DAY

Another wide view of the wetlands, but an eerie silence has fallen over the appliances. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Once gathered in what may be their ancestral home, the appliances fall silent. After several hours, they begin to shake. 

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - EVENING

A close-up of a group of dryers shaking violently.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Over the next six hours, the appliances wiggle and shake. 

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - NIGHT

A close-up of Whirly, the single-serve blender with a black plastic stand, which has fallen on its side and continues shaking. As it wriggles around, a thin layer of glass begins peeling away from the bottom of the blender's body. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The appliances, including Whirly, begin shedding their skin. 

Whirly rolls around in the grass until its loose layer of glass catches onto a rock, making the glass peel back farther. The blender begins inching out of its skin. 

The footage speeds up to show Whirly's shedding process. Once the skin is fully shed, Whirly stands upright and changed. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Once a single-serve appliance, Whirly has grown into a countertop blender. 

Whirly the Countertop Blender shines brand-new, its stand now a shiny chrome.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Whirly may choose to return to its original owners or try its hand at an appliance store, where homeowners can trade their appliances for different models and variations. 

Whirly wobbles over to its shed skin lying on the ground. It opens its top, scoops up the skin, and blends until nothing remains. 

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - NIGHT

Sped-up footage of a group of washer machines rubbing onto each other, helping one another shed their collective skins. 

Once shed, the washers open their doors and eat their former skins. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The appliances leave the wetlands habitable for animals by disposing of their shed skins themselves. 

CUT TO:

EXT. WETLANDS - MORNING

The sun rises over the marsh, casting an orange glow over the brilliant new appliances. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Once the skins have been shed and disposed of, the blenders make their way back home—a process that will take another two weeks. 

A coffee machine falls into the marsh and gets stuck.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Some will not make it. 

A toaster oven wanders away from its group, distracted by something in the grass. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Some will become separated from their group. 

CUT TO:

EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - NIGHT

More orderly lines of appliances make their way back west over the mountains. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

But most will reunite with their families after being gone for over a month. 

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

We see a WOMAN standing sadly at a kitchen counter. She is mashing bananas in a bowl and stirring them to make a smoothie. She looks longingly at the empty spot on her counter just big enough for a blender. 

Then the doorbell rings, and the woman’s head snaps up eagerly. A moment later, Whirly comes shuffling through the door and fits itself into its spot. 

WOMAN

Whirly! Oh, I missed you, you good boy. Are you hungry?

Whirly keens happily. The woman starts loading up Whirly with bananas, milk, honey, and vanilla extract. She presses the blend button and smiles, satisfied, as she hears the familiar sound of her blender.

Cue montage: scenes of happy families reuniting with their loved appliances. A man loads the laundry with a smile on his face. A teenage girl joyfully stops doing the dishes and hugs her dishwasher. A woman and her young son bake delicious chocolate chip cookies.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Once returned to their homes, the appliances are refreshed and ready to serve. For the families who rely on them, it's a time of joy and renewal. 

Final shot in the montage is of a family—mother, father, daughter, son—eating together at the dining table.

In the background, the kitchen appliances hum along happily while the family eats and talks. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Life returns to normal. The appliances are back where they belong, and the kitchen feels like home again.

FADE OUT

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This was fun to research—1905 really was the year of the first commercially produced electric toaster, though Hiram Theodore Williams III is completely made up.

I hope you enjoyed it!

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